Silver Bullet Syndrome

On yearning for that one thing.

A few years ago, I was in a really difficult place with my mental health, and I decided that this was the time to finally commit to doing a 30-day yoga challenge online.

This was kind of a big deal for me, because I mostly loathe exercise and constantly feel guilty for not exercising more. As I looked at my life in this difficult time, with two young kids, a world in the midst of a pandemic and a business to run, I figured that the one thing that could really help me was the thing I was always missing–physical exercise. Everyone told me how important it was, and I did feel better after doing it, so if I moved every day for a month straight, surely something would shift, right?

I roped a friend into doing the challenge with me, and for the first time in my adult life, I intentionally stretched and moved and exercised for 30 days in a row! 

And you know what? Nothing really changed. 

I probably got a little more flexible and stronger, but the 30-day yoga challenge did not, in fact, fix everything in my life.

I'm being a little hyperbolic to make a point, but the truth is that I put a lot of stock into this yoga challenge, and it was a learning moment for me to come to the end and realize that I was still the same person, living in the same muck and mire I'd started with. 

I wanted that 30 days of yoga to be the silver bullet, the thing that "instantly solves a long-standing problem" (Merriam Webster). 

I wish I could say my Silver Bullet Syndrome was cured that day, but it wasn't. This Autumn will mark ten years of heart-led self-employment, and the truth is that I was looking for a silver bullet to ease and success for most of that time. I still find myself looking for it now, as our world is so full of pain. I check my horoscope and if there's something "good" predicted, I feel that rush of "this is it - this is when everything will change."

Wikipedia says that "In folklore, a silver bullet is often one of the few weapons that are effective against a werewolf, vampire, witch, or other supernatural beings." To desire a silver bullet is to believe that you are at risk of (or under) attack by something more powerful than you. And if you're constantly looking for the silver bullet to kill the werewolf with, there's no room for the possibility of befriending the werewolf, finding a way to make peace with their presence, or becoming more powerful yourself.

What if there is no one thing, no big break, no single pivot that will put everything right?

In this Spring time, the beings on the land are growing, and they know that there's not just one thing that will enable them to flourish. They're not constrained by Silver Bullet Syndrome like so many of us humans are. These growing beings know that even if they "won the lottery" and a bunch of sunshine, or rain, or fertilizer were dropped on them, they would still need to be strong enough to receive the benefits of it and would still need other things to facilitate their growth. 

Knowing that there's no silver bullet can be really frustrating, especially if you've been looking for one for a long time. 

And, it's very freeing, because it means that there are innumerable ways to flourish, and you can stop looking for that one big break, or solution, or answer.

If there's no silver bullet to be had, what then? For me, it means that I can drop the need to relate to my life as a problem and simply do what feels nutritive today, and then tomorrow, and on and on. It means that no one out there is going to give me the "big break" that I thought I needed, so I can just try to enjoy the journey, make the work I believe in, and do my best to live with integrity. 

We may not have a silver bullet with which to "kill" the monsters we feel lurking, but even if we did, would they really go away? As they say, "What you resist persists," and the truth is that there is no one thing that will dispel our world of climate disaster, inequity, or mad oligarchs. We can despair over that, or we can make one little stitch of repair and resilience here, and then another here, and I'll do my bit and you can do your bit, and perhaps over time we'll realize that the werewolves, vampires, and witches are integral to our collective healing. 

If you're experiencing Silver Bullet Syndrome, I hope these words enliven you, because I know how exhausting it is to constantly be scanning the environment for that single solution. 

May we remember what our more-than-human kin know: that there are actually many solutions, possibilities, and invitations flowing through each moment, forming a web of bounty that we can relax into.